Welcome to Melissa Thinks Out Loud. Be sure to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
did it really steal?
Once upon a time I was a spoiled brat. Really! I am the only girl and the baby in my family, so the spoiled part just goes without saying. As a teenager I thought the world revolved around me, and I can honestly say I was not the best friend around. Clearly I have changed, and that was due in very large part to a series of tragedies in my life that began the night my husband Billy died in my arms after suffering a massive heart attack. It was almost as if the reset button had been hit on my brain, and I began rebuilding the Melissa programming. I was very lucky to have been surrounded by some very caring people, who gladly helped me find myself again through books, audio tapes and seminars.
As I devoured those resources, I began to find a new way to be me, a me that I could be proud of and a me that honestly felt more comfortable in this skin. Who knows, maybe this is who I would have been without the spoiling? In any event one book I read early on made a huge impact on me. It was a book about character, and how being a person of great character is a choice, not always an easy one, but always the right one. This book by Bill Hybels was originally published in 1987 under the title Character is Who You are When No One is Looking and is available now in an updated version titled Who You Are When No One is Looking
One part of the book in particular really hit home for me and it was about discipline. I had never competed in sports or any other kind of athletics, so the concept of being disciplined was never important to me. You might be wondering about homework and schoolwork, but that always came ridiculously easy for me. I usually did my homework before leaving school for the day because I could just fly through it. I’m not saying that to brag, because I am sure that a little struggle and hard work would have been good for me. It would have built some character, LOL. College was the first challenge that I ever faced and, although I managed to survive that challenge, I realize now that I could have done so much better had I understood the concept of discipline. At the very least it may not have been so brutally painful. I still have nightmares about some of those exam weeks!!! Anyway, I had never really internalized the concept that great rewards come from making yourself persist in an activity that challenges you. Today I understand. The sense of pride and accomplishment that you get when you don’t give up, when you keep working and eventually succeed is amazing!! It’s one of the best rushes in the world! Discipline builds strong character for sure, but it is also tremendously rewarding.
My first taste of true discipline was when I set out to read the Bible in a year. I read it every morning, first thing in the morning. I bought a Bible with a study tracker that told me which chapters to read each day. There were mornings I was sooooo not in the mood. Especially with some of those Old Testament books like Leviticus and Deuteronomy with all of the laws and the lineage lists. Soooooo boring! It was easier to do when God was blowing up cities and smiting the heck out of people, LOL. Did I miss some days? Yes, I did. What did it matter, no one was watching me right? Ah, but then I began to see that someone was watching and that someone was me. As I watched myself give in to the lure of fifteen minutes more sleep I felt a pang of guilt. I had let myself down. I had committed to myself to do something, and now I was failing in that commitment. I thought about what I was learning from Hybels and I knew that I was not exactly showing great character. It only took a few of those failures to turn me around. After that I forced myself to do it every day, and each time I closed that book I had a great feeling of satisfaction and pride. Slowly, but surely I was learning.
I have since challenged myself more times than I can remember, and I have seldom let myself down. More importantly I do not let others down. I am now the person that my employers count on to always get the job done. They actually ask me to help others get their jobs done!!! Friends and family reach out to me in a crisis, because they know that I am always there for them. I have heard things in the past fifteen years that have been music to my ears such as, “As soon as I saw Melissa I knew everything was going to be alright” and “I know I can always count on you.” My greatest joy comes when people ask to speak to me on a private matter where they are trying to assess for themselves what the right course of action is in a difficult situation. They rely on me to help them find the right way! Me of all people! I truly owe Mr. Hybels and his book a great debt.
Another area of my life that has benefited from learning about character is my careers in sales. As a Realtor I represented many first time home buyers. These young couples were entrusting me to help them make decisions about where they would start their families and invest a huge amount of their hard-earned money. Perhaps the reason that I did so well in this niche was that I decided to treat all of my customers with 100% integrity. When they were torn between two houses and asked me my advice, I could have assessed the commission I would make from each house and pointed them to the one that benefited me most, but that would have been wrong, clearly. Instead I always treated them as I would want someone to treat me and I would talk it out with them until they came to their own decision. On many occasions I actually talked clients out of buying more expensive homes, because I knew that they would be stretching their finances too far exposing themselves to possible future heartache. The rewards in these instances were not only that I got to feel good about myself, folks. I also got tons of referrals, and referrals are the bread and butter of a Realtor’s business!! Yes, being a person of character has great benefits, and not all of them are of the emotional-airy-fairy-feel-good-let’s-all-sing-Kumbaya-together variety 
So back to Who You Are When No One is Looking
Now back to my original question. If a tree steals something in the woods and no one sees it, did it really steal? Yup, it did and it stole the most important thing in the world, it stole its own character.
Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
{ 1 trackback }
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Bufanda 42,
I should really get a copy of that book and read it. We talk to our students all the time about the fact that character isn’t what people see you do, it’s what no one but yourself and God know you do, think, say, etc. I work in a Christian school that’s preK-8th grade. We get to experience all kinds of fun stuff here, and we get to share with kids the messages that many public school teachers never get to impart. It’s actually a gift to work there, though the pay ain’t so hot.
When I read your mention of Billy’s heart attack, I felt sad for you all over again. And for me. And for my ex. You know, it was an event that sort of marked the beginning of the end of one era, but also allowed me to embark on the new journey that led me to where I am now. You say it started something in you too. I always thought you were very loving and giving before that happened. But I guess you are thinking about it a little differently. Only you know what was going on inside your mind before, during, and after all that. I do know that it wasn’t long before YOU were looking out for ME when I left my ex.
Even though I am far away, I still love you lots, and I miss the friendship we had.
This is a wonderful article. Thank you so much for sharing this part of yourself with us.
Oh no! I’m on the same Bible reading program, and I’ve just plowed through the Kings & Chronicles. They are full of the ‘begats’ too. I find it is really interesting, though, to read it as an adult, with an adult perspective. So totally different from the Bible stories I was told in sunday school.
I really like your topics. Good work!
Hello from Yaro’s masterblog site. I’m taking his training course, too. G.